welcome november

So I'm not going to write about how Levi skipped a nap yesterday and we put him to bed in hopes that he would sleep in a little this am for daylight savings, and how he woke up around 5am hungry (he didn't like dinner last night---you no like? you no eat.)... and i'm not going to write about how Delaney's upper right tooth is just seconds away from bursting through so you know what that means Moms... she actually slept better than her brother, however. And I'm not going to write about how trick or treating brought home a bag full of future cavities, but it was so much more fun than last year. We are trying to blow some time before church, since this morning feels EXTRA LONG.

Here is what Levi wants to write:
Dear Levi, We love you. I love drums. I love cymbals. Um, I love tambourines. I love Frank. I love to play the drums. Um, Here is my pumpkin I just picked. Ummm, I love you Jesus. I love Mommy. And I love Delaney. And I love Daddy to play with me. And umm I love to play with Ben and Elijah and Carter and I love to play with Ethan and kitty cat (?) and letters and um numbers and cooos and q's and....

Now he's getting silly. But that is Levi's post. I think he has a blog post confused with a prayer. Or maybe not. Isn't all of life prayer? He's just superspiritual.

playing after bath ritual

This is a longish video, but it's to document how we end our days. It makes me smile every night. Sorry about the "flash". They are so sweet together, this doesn't even really capture it. But then again, Delaney is not crawling yet, so we'll see about life then.

Groaning

And so I feel like a big, unshowered, unkept mess. Move piles from here to there. Laundry, toys, papers scattered. Not sure what's for dinner, can't remember if I've brushed my teeth. My clothes fit all different now, this is too big, this is too little. Sheesh. It's been one of those days. Just when I get some momentum and feel like I'm "getting better at this", I get hit with a wave of failure. Snapping at the kids, not sure what to do next. To the park? Or fix dinner then go on a walk? Why won't you just go and play?? I feel knocked down. I suck at this. It's not like I would want it to be.

Anyways, feeling kind of just loose and indecisive and fallen. I've been thinking about the words "groaning" and "craving" for awhile. Craving simplicity. Craving organization. Groaning for joy. Groaning for a long walk. Craving patience. Craving for discipline. Groaning for a right mind. Groaning for peace. Craving more faith, more hope, more love. Groaning for heaven, really.

And then this from my husband on a text this morning:
"Remember that Christ has an urgent and necessary place in your life precisely because you are unable to do what you need/want to do. He has given you a perfect opportunity to groan this morning and to be so thankful that he fills what is lacking. He has given you a chance to see the beauty and glory of who Christ is for us. Don't miss it. " (italics mine!)

Quite a text. I don't want to miss it. Lord, help me to groan. Help me to keep craving. Ah hah! It's from you! Okay then. Let me feast. Let me get my fill. Christ have mercy on me.

John 6: 32: "It is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.

34"Sir," they said, "from now on give us this bread."

35Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life."

love going deeper

i was reading the Bible to Levi this morning, a little quiet time with Jesus together. Genesis 2 and 3 took on a whole new meaning. Adam and Eve must have been so sad. To not have God walk with them anymore in the evenings? To taste that closeness and be left behind in a sense? So who would rescue them from this sadness? Last night I asked Levi how I could pray for him and he said, "pray for me because I am so sad because I need Jesus." Wow. where did that come from? he's really in touch with his feelings. i mean REALLY in touch with them. I think it helps to have a counselor for a Dad... Levi is always using these words to describe himself or his day like sad, frustrated, wonderful, beautiful, angry, so happy, and so on... anyways, i am seeing more of his heart as his vocabulary picks up and it is just amazing. he feels and thinks and processes and reacts and, well, tries to make himself happy with anything else but God. And so do I. And so did Adam and Eve. So, God is going to need to set my son free. That is an amazing announcement in my brain today. It's got to be Him.

not doing too well

yea, i'm not doing too well with that cleaning the house bit. i am busy playing with Della and soaking in this alone time with her. it's all good.

okay, so, let's talk about how unbelievably exhilarating the 4x1 men's free was sunday night. i was so pumped, i mean, come on. it was like you blink and the race changed right at the end. watching olympics=feeling like a slug. o well. anyways, that race was just phenomenal. i read that the anchor had the best 100 split of all time. is that true? sheesh.

my dad sent me this pic of Levi playing on construction equipment in their neighborhood. probably not the safest activity for a 3 year old and yet i know Levi is thoroughly enjoying this. anything which has to do with being a "man at work", he loves to imitate. mailman, fireman, trashman, construction worker, doctor, manager, drummer, chef, shelf stocker at target... it doesn't matter he does it. he even swings his arms and does this wide-stride strut. it's hilarious.

ready or not

here we come, vacation. i'm not quite sure what to expect for a 12 hour car ride with a 6 month old. she travels well but i mean, come on, how much can we expect of her? we are headed to lake michigan on thursday. and i am ready to go. Levi is going to "camp wienken" this week, he heads to my folks house to spend time with that side of the family while i pack us up here and clean the house before we leave. this is my mission: to come home to a CLEAN house after vacation. that to me is one of the worst feelings, to come back all sad that the vacation is over to a cluttered, dusty, crazy house. so we're trying to avoid post vaca depression.

Levi plays with his play mobil castle right now with Todd. he likes to intertwine the david and goliath story into the king and queen scenario. it's pretty cute. his other serious interest is space ships/astronauts. other than a drummer, he wants to be an astronaut. we're pretty excited about that, set your aspirations high, little man. we're working on a few things with him, one being his constant drumming and beatboxing. he's got a rhythm in his head a lot of the time, and becomes quite focused at church whenever the musicians are playing. he's in the zone. but we're trying to teach him that people are more important than music and drumming. it seems ridiculous, but we're also working on self control with him. self control for a 3 year old? yea, i don't think so. but when he drums on anything other than a drum, he has to hold his arms up above his head as discipline. it just was becoming too excessive. since we started doing this, his accessory drumming has slowed down quite a bit and his capacity to play (other things) has taken off. pretty funny. i write this now as I hear todd saying, "no drumming" to Levi in the kitchen. are we brutal parents? is this too harsh? i don't know, we're giving it a try. poor little Levi, he just has the rhythm in his head and fingers.

Della started cereal in the evenings, but i'm not pushing solids, what a pain. she's pretty big for being strictly on fluids. and she's very, very sweet. and beautiful. but i'm partial, i know. her hair is still all crazy, you try to tame it but you can't. just starting to pull it up in the front for now. she is looking forward to sitting up, just trying to a little, but not quite there.

okay, gotta go pack some more. i'm simply ecstatic.

Sigh get ready....

It's Monday afternoon. Todd just left for work-out then school, I just put Della down for a nap while Levi has been down for a little bit already. I let out a few tears as I take a deep breath, "I can'tdo this. Jesus can do this." What else is there to say? Every monday comes as an enemy, tempting me to think that life is about taking it easy and that I shouldn't have to be a parent on my own. How do single parents do it? Serious respect for them, always. In this life we will have trouble, I know, and it's a struggle to remember that Jesus' kingdom includes grace for this season. Todd's work and school schedule is not my enemy, I am. I am ready for some company, because I know that I can't trust myself to see things rightly! Jesus, come over for dinner, please. Life with two kids is a gift, indeed. I know it. Even if one is potty training... again. He's also in whining bootcamp while I am in worry bootcamp.

so

I just put Levi to bed. One quick book and he is out (helpful also to have a snuggly blanket in hand). We've been potty training all morning for fun and started a new sticker chart. This is like our second or third attempt. We've hit it here and there for trials and then put it away, why over do it if he's not ready? Well, now preschool may be on the horizon. Yea, I know, a change of pace from my post a few weeks ago. Anyways, he is told that when the chart is full he will receive pretty much THE most exciting gift he could ever get. He is heavy into astronauts right now and wants a spacesuit and space helmet. So he has big big motivation to hit the toilet. Has it helped? Well, we cleaned up 2 accidents together today but that hasn't frustrated him. With lots of practice he is starting to get it. In due time. The little man gets so so excited when we start talking about the space suit that it makes him have to go, I think! Pretty funny. I gave him a spray bottle of water and a rag and he pretty much cleaned the entire kitchen for me. When he is in the mood, he is so sweet and helpful. He was all naked with his chocolate brown crocs on pretending to be a fireman cleaning his engine. So totally cute.

Just got this for Della. She half likes it half doesn't. We'll see. But it is SO MUCH more comfortable than the baby bjourn, i can't believe it. Never ever use the baby bjourn if you can get your hands (and back!) on one of these. O my goodness. Problem is she would much rather be on the floor with toys, which is fine, except that I need to keep her upright for 30 minutes after every feed. This tallies to 3 hours throughout the day! Either I need to grow some extra arms or she has to get used to this thing. She is exceptionally easy though, I do admit. She is just so sweet and smiley and well, sweet. The pic is of her with my Mom. Patsy Ann and Della Ann. See below for an update on my mom.

The sink is full of today's dishes (and some of yesterday's, too!). Both kids are asleep but I know Della is about to wake up any moment for feeding # 3. Haven't even thought about dinner. Levi's clothes basket was emptied by the little man who was pretending to do laundry for part of the morning, so there are clothes all over. There's pee on our bathroom floor and toilet (he still needs to work on that aim a bit, time to get out the cheerios for target practice). I think I brushed my teeth today, which is pretty impressive. Our plants are seriously overgrown and need pruning. The porch is covered with dirt. Our desk is cluttered with paid bills, wires, books, toys, DVD's. There is so so so much left undone, that is only the beginning. But I just read news of a friend's condition improving after some chemo. What a wonderful surprise it was to read this today!! And by the way my mom's most recent CT and PET scans were clean. She expects chemo once a week for four weeks every six months for 2 years. So, who cares about the mess. I'm taking some moments to rejoice in this and lavish in the truth of God's total forgiveness and love. How about a glass of OJ in a wine glass? It'll have to do.

Levi and his girl-friends

questions

We have much to be thankful for. I write that and plead with God to help me believe it. I know it's true any time I read paradoxuganda or whmsudan or turn on the news. But some mornings I'm plagued with questions with no answers and not a lot of faith. My son and daughter keep me so busy that I usually don't have much time for God anymore. This has got to change. (that sounds a little like it's their fault, I'm sorry, it's not! it's all me). Anyways, we are heading for kentucky tomorrow for an extended family reunion, and no, none of us are from kentucky which is a bit confusing as to why we are meeting there, but I don't ask questions. I just book flights, and go.

A new day, a new blog

well, well, well. I'm not going to say that I'll keep this blog any more than the previous one. But I am feeling the need for a fresh sweep in my life. In many ways: exercise, eating right (the past 2 weeks have been Horrendous), organization, reading, writing and thinking (was I ever really a journaler? naaaaah) being a Mom (needing some inspiration here in particular), laundry and a clean house--i'd love to redo my kitchen and living room colors--sick of them, and we are still waiting for our dream to come true to live on the water somewhere. So I don't know if that's a need for a fresh sweep or just discontent popping it's ugly head up once again. But I'm ready for a change nevertheless and I believe it's going to have to take the form of a blog for now.

Levi sleeps in our bed right now, he woke up early and Todd brought him down to our room for some reason. We NEVER have him in our bed, so this will be a special treat for the boy when he wakes up. But man he is a sweaty sleeper. And Delaney is STILL asleep in her crib, it's almost 8am! She's been champion sleeper lately, but I am hesitant to write that since I'm sure it will change probably even tonight. Enjoying them so so much right now. They are so so different from one another, I can already tell. Levi is serious, focused, strong willed, passionate, sweet, cuddly (when he is in the mood), and gentle (unless he is embarrassed--then he is grumpy). Delaney is giggly, laid back, talkative (I know, she's a baby, but you know what I mean), easy to please (for now). I've been extremely encouraged and pleased with how tender Levi is with Della. I'm sure that dynamic will change ten times over but for now he is very careful around her and loves to play with her. Della loves attention from him already, she coos when he kisses her and talks goo ga baby talk with her. Totally cute.

I am yearning to exercise, but have no idea where to start or how. It's funny, when I was younger I would just take it so for granted being able to go out on a run or bike ride. Now, I feel weak and brittle. I know I need to start back for my sanity and for my family's general joy. But I am not looking forward to the pain. What a scaredy-cat! Seriously, I don't like to acknowledge how out of shape I am, and I know by starting to exercise I'll see that. I think that's what is holding me back. So, there it is, I've said it. And now, I'm ready to start. (we'll see....) ugh

Lately in my spare time I've been doing some reading up on homeschooling stuff. I know it's a little early but we are feeling the need to think and pray about it now as most of our friends are sending their kids to preschool next year. We're going to seriously miss those friends. Feeling that sting of homeschooling already. O well. I am interested in preschool for Levi but we'll probably wait another year. And still we are unsure of what our needs will be come school time, maybe we will and maybe we won't. Anyways, there is one thing I am sure of: if we do, I don't want to homeschool alone. I know that I'll need a community (at least 1 family!) to do it with!! I'm not a fan of being my kid's only authority and only teacher. He so needs other adults to speak into his life. But for us, I think the schedule and the flexibility will be beneficial, at least early on. I'm cautiously excited about it because I know circumstances or things could change that would potentially have us change our decision. Among other things, it's been on my mind a lot and something I've been thinking through. More thoughts to come.

we'll see how this thing takes off... gotta run