Groaning

And so I feel like a big, unshowered, unkept mess. Move piles from here to there. Laundry, toys, papers scattered. Not sure what's for dinner, can't remember if I've brushed my teeth. My clothes fit all different now, this is too big, this is too little. Sheesh. It's been one of those days. Just when I get some momentum and feel like I'm "getting better at this", I get hit with a wave of failure. Snapping at the kids, not sure what to do next. To the park? Or fix dinner then go on a walk? Why won't you just go and play?? I feel knocked down. I suck at this. It's not like I would want it to be.

Anyways, feeling kind of just loose and indecisive and fallen. I've been thinking about the words "groaning" and "craving" for awhile. Craving simplicity. Craving organization. Groaning for joy. Groaning for a long walk. Craving patience. Craving for discipline. Groaning for a right mind. Groaning for peace. Craving more faith, more hope, more love. Groaning for heaven, really.

And then this from my husband on a text this morning:
"Remember that Christ has an urgent and necessary place in your life precisely because you are unable to do what you need/want to do. He has given you a perfect opportunity to groan this morning and to be so thankful that he fills what is lacking. He has given you a chance to see the beauty and glory of who Christ is for us. Don't miss it. " (italics mine!)

Quite a text. I don't want to miss it. Lord, help me to groan. Help me to keep craving. Ah hah! It's from you! Okay then. Let me feast. Let me get my fill. Christ have mercy on me.

John 6: 32: "It is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.

34"Sir," they said, "from now on give us this bread."

35Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life."